Waiting on Your Doorstep
by momentsinthewoods
Summary: I've been here so many times before. Standing in front of this door. Standing here, trying to rouse up the courage to knock.


_I haven't written in forever. And I haven't written in first person in even longer. I started this as a little drabble, maybe 200 words tops. It turned into this. Not Beta'd so all mistakes are mine and such things. I started writing as an angsty piece of fiction with no real characters in mind but my stupid muse brought up this and put Regina and Emma in my head but its really a vague pairing. I say this to say that I don't own the characters, even though there is nothing specific in the fic. Also, haven't written smut since high school so my recently college grad mind is a little rusty on such things. So go easy on me._

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I've been here so many times before. Standing in front of this door. Standing here, trying to rouse up the courage to knock. Most times I just take a deep breath and go for it. Knocking hard and getting a little frustrated that you don't immediately open the door. Like you knew that I was here and were waiting for me to knock. By the time you get to the door I've lost all my fears and the things I was going to say and I have to make up some excuse for being there and do the only thing that I know will get me past the door. I pick a fight. About something stupid and petty. Probably work. You pull me inside and then we argue for five minutes and you tell me to leave. I don't even know why I knock sometimes. But I always end up right back here. Just like tonight.

I take a deep breath and raise my hand to knock. But I chicken out. I look around, at my watch, at the box of chocolates. I don't even know why I brought them. I glance at the door handle. As if it will magically open and you'll be there. But of course it doesn't. There's that scratch you made with your keys. That night we both drank to much and I convinced you to let me drive you home. I have no idea why you said yes. When we got right here you leaned over and stared into my eyes while you were trying to unlock the door. I stared back hoping beyond hope that you would say something. But you just kept staring. Until you dropped the keys and the noise broke the silence. You looked down and started mumbling about the scratch on the door. And how irresponsible we were for getting so drunk on a Wednesday. And then you opened the door.

And you went back to staring. Your mouth parted and in an instant I was through the door and kissing those irresistible lips. I don't know what broke in me that instant. I kicked the door closed and pulled you to me with a grace that I have never possessed and hungrily devoured your soft moans as I slid my hands from your face to your shirt; my fingers running over your perfectly tailored vest and slipping off your professional blazer. You always look so perfect, like a model waltzing into my office and posing for the non-existent photographers as you go through the myriad of reasons I cannot do my job. You are the picture of authority in your power suits, with your meticulously quaffed hair and ridiculously flawless makeup. I always feel like a slob next to you. But not then. For the first time since you came into my life I felt like I was in control.

It was a whirlwind. I can't recall it yet I remember it so vividly in this moment. We didn't speak a word. You led me upstairs. It was the first time I had ever seen your bedroom, so clean and cool and proper. Just like you. It looked so frenzied and wrong in the morning. My leather jacket thrown over a lamp and my boots somehow kicked deep under the bed. In the dawn light it looked inviting and warm. But I thought I didn't belong there. So I gathered my things, minus my bra, which I have never recovered, and slipped out through the very door I'm standing at now.

Right. Now. I take another deep breath and calm my nerves. Or whatever it is that is clouding my brain. I came here to talk. Not argue. Not get caught up in this thing you have been doing to me. I breathe out and quickly knock. No thinking now. Just waiting. And waiting. As I always have been. Waiting for you to waltz over and open the door. Waiting for you to take that last sip of cider. The one that will give me just enough courage to stop waiting. Waiting for you to come back to bed and let me kiss you one last time before I have to leave and face the dark night alone. Because that's always what happens. That first time was the only time I have ever been in your bed with the morning rays shining on your beautiful face. The only time I've ever seen you fully while you sleep. The one time you've ever seemed at peace. And that's why I'm here. Waiting for you.

I know you're home. I saw the bedroom light turn on over an hour ago while I was sitting in my car debating whether or not I should even be thinking about you. Your car is in the driveway and you took the package that was sitting by the front door earlier inside. I know you are here. I heard through the rumor mill that you had been even more rude than you can normally be. I don't know what happened but I tried to put it out of my mind. Tried telling myself that it was not my business. That we weren't dating. We aren't really even friends. So why should I care that you looked sad at work today? Its not my place. But I know that's not true. Whether you think so or not I can't stop thinking about you. So I'm here. With a stupid box of chocolates and a speech all prepared. And waiting.

You open the door. Your eyes still red from crying over everything and nothing. Something I have no idea about and something I know far to well. But when I look closely I can see that smile begin to form. It's just tickling the corners of your mouth. It takes a moment to even be visible and in that small moment I have crossed the threshold. I have no idea what I am doing, my speech and those hours of inner debates flying out of my mind. The chocolates I brought as an apology, a peace offering fall uselessly to the floor, forgotten from my grasp as I see that smile. I stop dead. Not wanting to frighten you with those small yet massive words. Those words I've be aching to utter on those cold nights when you don't make me leave right away. Content to let me wrap you in a warm embrace and just sit. Two hearts beating in the silence. I wait as your breath slows down and your face takes on that serenity I remember. Those were the nights I only pretended to need help. The nights I drank a coke and wouldn't let you taste because then you would know my secret. The nights I have pretended to forget about after. Continuing seeing you everyday and picking fights to get closer to you. But I do remember, and I always will. The look on your face as I slowly work the zipper down on your skintight skirt. The surprise in your eyes when I rip open your shirt without a warning and shove my knee between your legs. That pure emotion when I'm buried in you and you cry out and I can't take my eyes off of you. And right now.

You stand there; smile growing on your face as your eyes begin to tear again. I've been motionless for what seems like hours and I can't just stand by and watch you cry. Again. My lips meet yours as my fingers entangle your hair. I pull away as I feel a tear hit my cheek and futilely try to wipe the stains from your cheeks. Your arms wrap around my waist and I pull your head to my chest. I don't know who or what has hurt you but in this moment I vow to never let it happen again, with everything that is in my power. We stand there with only your sobs and the faint sounds of an old soundtrack coming from upstairs. Something I've heard but could never place. Or maybe that's just my imagination. But that doesn't matter. After a while you look up at me. With those beautiful eyes and a wounded look and I want to just kiss your tears away. But I don't. I wait.

And then you kiss me. My hand comes up to cup your cheek as you pull my head down and our lips crash together like this is the first time and like we've been doing this our whole lives. Your hands slip down to my shoulders and I pull away to catch my breath. And there it is again. That smile. Your eyes light up and I know in this moment that those words I've been trying to say for so long are unnecessary. I look into your eyes and I realize that this is the first time you have ever kissed me.

'Hey.'

I choke out. Not trusting my mouth to stay shut if I try to speak anything more.

'Hi…'

It's all you can get out before I close the door and pull you back into me and tentatively touch your lips to mine. And I look one last time at your eyes. And I answer that question that has been in them for so long with a deep kiss.

We've done the talking before. And it's gotten us here. With you crying in your big empty house and me standing outside trying to get up the courage to knock on your door. We can do all the talking in the world later. Now I pick you up, my hands on your thighs and your legs wrapping around my waist as I deepen the kiss. It's a quick trip up to your bedroom but it takes more time as your hands move to my hair and your body rubs against mine.

In your bedroom I stop, taking my time to set you down gently on the bed and stand back. The room looks so different from the first time I saw it. Sheets askew, a nearly empty cider glass sitting coaster-less on the bedside table. And it still looks perfect with you sitting on the bed eying me like you are. You start to unbutton your shirt and I stop you. We've done the fast and frenzied fucking. My hands fumble over your shirt as I try to concentrate. Once your shirt is off I unhook your bra and start on your skirt. In one motion I have your shirt and panties on the floor and I'm looking up at a beautiful naked woman.

Your hands deftly strip me of my remaining clothes, my jacket and belt somehow gone by the time we reached the bedroom. And I stare at you staring at me for a long moment. Our eyes meet after a pass and our bodies are flush against each other in a second. My hands gliding over your beautiful skin and cradling your back and head as I move us to the bed.

Your tongue works its way from my lips to my ear and down my neck by the time we are settled on the bed. I settle my knees between your legs and move my hand to your breast, ghosting over the soft mound as I sweep over your naked form. I pull you back up for a kiss and my hand circles your breast, my fingers pinching and kneading with a hunger all their own. Our tongues duel for dominance, teeth biting and tongues soothing with tiny caresses. Your hands move to my hips and I notice we've started a gentle rhythm all our own. I straddle your leg and begin riding your thigh as you push into mine, your hands pushing with a purpose.

I move my lips down to your neck, finding that spot that always makes you moan and suck lightly. My hand alternates breasts, and my tongue draws circles on your collarbone. I snake my hand between our bodies and drag fingers over your center. Your breath hitches as I hit the right spot and I can't help but give you what you want. I could try to tease and draw it out. But that's not what this is about. That moan stirred up something inside of me and I'm thrusting harder and harder on your thigh. I coat two of my fingers and thrust them inside. My mouth sucks on a hardened nipple as I find a new rhythm, curling my fingers until I hit that spot that makes you scream. As your small moans grow louder I thrust harder and my thumb flicks over a hardened clit. The noises you make go directly to my core and I can feel myself approaching the edge. I move my head back up, needing to see your face as I thrust a deep as I can, dragging my fingers back and hitting that spot. With a few more passes I hear you cry out. My name. I've never heard it said so beautifully. And with that I fall over the edge myself, trying to keep my eyes open until the last possible second so that I can watch you.

I catch my breath and roll off of you. Reluctantly taking my hand away I pull the covers over our rapidly cooling bodies. It is then that I notice the tear rolling down your cheek. I catch it before it can fall and kiss away the streak. With that I wrap you up in my arms and close my eyes. Minutes pass and you start to stir. My heart drops as I think of all the times you've told me to leave. Was this really going to be it? I guess you see the confusion on my face because you immediately reach up and kiss me softly.

'I love you.'

Three words I never though I'd ever hear. Directed at me. Coming from you. You say them so deliberately. With such certainty and conviction in your eyes.

'I love you.'

I stammer out in my oafish way the words I have been dying to say since that first morning.

You smile and kiss me one last time, snuggling your head onto my chest and sighing heavily. I wrap my arm around you and place a kiss on your head. I fall asleep to the sounds of your breathing. And a smile on my face.


End file.
